Mom's Doctor

Robin - While Mom's down there this weekend, see if you can get the name of her family dr. and I'll make her an appt. for the week of Thanksgiving. Y'all have fun! I bet Dylan is excited that Max is coming. Those 2 are a hoot together!

Fran - How did it go last night?

Mom and this weekend

Hi everyone,

I just got an email from Abbe and Max. We've been trying to find a weekend when they and Mom could come for a visit. Abbe just wrote and said, "How about this Saturday - just for the day?" I was hoping they (and Mom) would spend the night because I think it does Mom good to get away, but Abbe needs to get back so it will be a day trip. I told her that sounded wonderful...Lauren, plan to come over and eat if y'all can on Saturday - probably a late lunch or early dinner is what I'm thinking.

I told Mom to talk to her doctor when she went to get the flu shot. I don't think that's gonna happen unless one of us accompanies her. I will be up the week of T'giving for Dylan to see Angela Cotton. I'll see about getting her an appt. then. I wish she could see my family doctor here - he is great, aggressive, and checks out every avenue...very thorough....I know it's not practical since the doc is here but I was at least hoping to get her on memory meds...

We just went through SACS accreditation today (Southern Accred. of Colleges/Schools) so I am whipped...I was one of 5 teachers interviewed for almost an hour about our school and school system....of course we were coached - don't dare say anything negative....I'm glad it's over!

Love to all,

Robin

Tues. Oct 28

Just in case anyone is trying to reach mom tonight, she is spending the night at our house. I have to be at work early in the morning, but Robert said he will "hang out" w/ her in the morning until she is ready to head back home. Wish us luck! :-)

Mom for now

I was talking to Mom yesterday and she told me she thought about getting a cat. I said, "You don't need a cat. You would forget to change the litter box." She denied that. I said, "Jake is housetrained. But when you kept him, he kept pooping inside because you forgot to let him out." She mentioned that Robin said she needs Aricept. I said, "You do." She asked if that was for Alzheimer's. I said, "You need some memory pills. You need to go see your dr. to get them." So then she got side tracked on how she got her flu shot yesterday at the dr's office but didn't see the dr.

I only have one vacation day left the rest of this year, which I'm going to use on Christmas Eve. So I have no time left to do anything for Mom till next year. But for right now, I think this needs to be done:
1. Someone needs to get their name on Mom's accounts along with hers; someone local. Right now Reynolds and Fran have power of attorney
2. Mom needs to go see her dr., with one of us along to listen, and be evaluated for dementia.

I need to read Mom's long term care policy thoroughly. I keep saying I'll do that.

Mom doesn't leave the house much anymore, so I think right now she's harmless to herself and others. But I do think that eventually there will be an incident that forces us to take action.

I don't think we should do anything more at this very moment. Many of my friends have reminded me that she just lost her partner of 55 years and should be given time to grieve. I don't know if grieving is the correct term for her right now, but they are all suggesting we "lay off" for a respectable amount of time. I think it always helps to get someone's opinion who is outside the fish bowl.

Last but not least, I still have Anna's 3 books on caregiving. If anyone wants to read them, just let me know.

and so it begins...again

Conversations about what to do with our family members are becoming waaayyyyyy too frequent. I talked to Fran one day last week and we discussed some of the same stuff y'all have been talking about on here... Sorry I haven't contributed, but for the longest time this crazy thing wouldn't let me on, then I was in the middle of a job change...you know how it goes.

I definately think Gama is going down-hill. I knew something was going on when she totted her purse down the aisle at my wedding and then wouldn't put it down when she came to see danny and my first house. It has gotten progressively worse since Feb though, no doubt. Or at least that was the first opportunity I had to really see it up close since that's when I started seeing her more. Unfortunately, things aren't going to get better-they'll get worse. I think that now is the time for us-someone, anyone-to take over her finances, get her moved out of the house and into somewhere she'll be comfortable. If she won't give it up, we can have her declared incompetent. I'd really hate to do that though because I wouldn't want her to resent us. That's the kind of thing she WOULD remember. I think she and her children need to have a little meeting. An "intervention" was mentioned earlier. I'll be glad to go since I am fairly familiar with the kind of setting she would need to be in. I think that MVT is not going to provide her with the kind of supervision that she needs. And she does need supervision. I think that we need to find an assisted living facility that also has a skilled nursing facility that offers an alzheimers unit. I know that those are all ugly words, but plan for the worst and hope for the best. We know these facilities are out there because we came across them when we were looking for a place for Papa. An assisted living facility (ALF) would allow her a little apartment with a kitchenette and 1-2 bedrooms. They have a dining room so that people are eating something other than Oreos. Once things got bad, it would be an easier transition to the skilled nursing facility (SNF). I'd hate to move her to MVT and then just a few years later move her to a SNF. Just some things to think about. She doesn't really acknowledge that she has a problem. She says things like, "I'm losing my mind," or "I can't remember anything." But heck, so do I and I don't have dementia. I think now is the time to have the "talk" and let her know that we've all noticed that something is not quite right. The trick will be to do it in a non-threatening, we're-trying-to-take-your-money,-home,-and (lord-forbid) your-purse way. I'm sure everyone has thoughts...but we can't just think about it. We have to do something about it. I will be out of town this weekend, but am tentatively planning on going up the following weekend. That's the weekend of Nov. 1. Lemme know if that works for y'all as far as having the big talk. Do you think we can get organized and get some solutions for these problems together by then? I think it might comfort her to know that we've thought about some alternatives to her current situation when we approach her. That we're not just trying to throw her out on the street. It's also important to let her know that we all want the very best and safest things for her, you know, that we're not trying to take advantage of her. I know it's a lot to think about, but we've been through some tough things as a family this year. I think we can make it through this too.

Lemme know what you think.
-lauren

No Dog for Mom

When Mom had Jake, he kept pooping in the house because she didn't take him out. When Brad Culp from Griswold's came to Dad's room at Hospice Atlanta to meet me about a caregiver for Dad at home, in walked Mom and Jake. They had only been there for a minute when Jake did 2 big poops in the room. Mom was oblivious. I stopped talking to Brad and asked Mom, "When was the last time he was taken outside?" She said, "I don't know."

Mom

I definitely see Mom doing some of the same things that Grandmother did....the pacing, not eating or eating the same thing over and over again....I thought the dog idea was great when Lauren let Jake stay with Mom for a few days...the problem was that Mom forgot to even let Jake outside to go to the bathroom. She would spend her days cleaning up after a dog (or maybe not even cleaning up after a dog).

One of my coworkers is going through something similar with her Mom; she sent out a mass email asking if anyone had gone through it with their parent/s and I suggested a few organizations to contact that I knew about because of respite care for children w/disabilities. She contacted the Senior Citizens program here and they actually now pick her mother up 3 days a week (around 8 a.m.), feed her breakfast and lunch, provide activities for her and then transport her home. I am sure there is something similar in Atlanta and will be glad to make a few calls if y'all want me to. The cost is minimal too - something like $7 a day....I couldn't believe it!

I know that stress definitely affects the memory and the more Mom stays to herself and inside/home alone, the worse it will get. Being with people, socializing, and interacting (even exercising again like they used to do) with others will stimulate Mom's brain and help.

Mom

Fran, I agree. We need to make a plan and soon. MTV may not be the place for mom. St. George's in Roswell, Sunshine on Johnson Ferry Rd (Merchants Walk), AG Rhodes, and Wesley Woods would accommodate mom, as her dementia progresses. A caregiver living with mom at home would be nice, but I think she would run them off. I still have access to 'Health Advocates' as a company benefit if we need their help.

Mimi

I don't know what the answer is either, but we have got to do something soon. I was thinking about getting her a dog for companionship (we all know how much she loves schnauzers) but how will she remember to feed a pet when I know she isn't remembering to feed herself (except for ALL sweets). One of the ladies that works at the Atlanta branch (Delores) has her mom living w/ her but has to pay a caregiver b/c her mom started wandering and getting lost. Delores has been telling me all sorts of things about Alzheimer's that I didn't know....like, the "laps" Robin said she did while she was watching TV around the den and living room is a sign and called "pacing", and the only eating sweets or not eating is a sign b/c their brain stops recognizing the stomach's signal of hunger, and the hiding her purse and forgetting where she put it and feeling of paranoia (about her purse and w/ barricading the door even when the house alarm is on). Also, like I said her mom was wandering and getting lost and, while I don't think mom is "there" yet, she told me last month that she wants a GPS b/c she gets lost - I asked, WHERE are you going that you get lost? and she avoided answering. Anyway, this ladies mom is further into it but she had A LOT of the same characteristics. She has her mom on a patch b/c her mom can't remember to take the pills; however, the patch is almost $300/month and we know how mom is about money. Also, Delores suggested a website and I'll email it to everyone - when she contacted them she told them she had no idea how much info and help they could provide and the Association told her they hear that a lot. Lastly, she suggested a movie that she bought off of PBS after they aired a program that she said helped her tremendously. I'll email all this to everyone tonight and we have got to make a plan.

The Sun Will Come Out...Tomorrow :)

Mom

Hey Reynolds - I think the Dave Ramsey is a great idea. But you'll have to fill it out with her, and go over it reapeatedly with her.

Dad's needs were easy compared to Mom's. I just don't know what to do at this point. I know we're all overwhelmed with our own lives. What to do about Mom just isn't really obvious. I keep thinking about the Johnson's up the street, and how Mom used to say they were left alone by their kids when they needed intervention. Wonder how Mom would feel about intervention? And how the hell could she have no clue what she did 24 hours before I talked to her??? Someone mentioned Mom's anger. I think Mom's always had anger issues. And I also think Dad covered up for her dementia for years. I asked him about it once when he was in Hospice Atlanta, and he confirmed that he did. Do we leave her where she is and act like everything's just peachy? I don't know the answer. And I did NOT read her long term care policy this weekend because of the asthma. But I will. Reading it really doesn't help though if we have no direction.

Love y'all,
Kathy

Conversation with Mom

Hi all,
Seems like it's been forever since I've read the blog...just because of time limitations. I know we're all busy and I need to just MAKE TIME to read and post; hopefully things will get better since I only have to post twice a week in UOP now. I just proposed my dissertation and had to make major changes to my topic and now have to review literature - about 50 articles to determine what is relative to my topic. At least I love my mentor - he's a hoot! In one of my research questions, I suggested I'd be researching whether or not teachers and speech pathologists "feel sufficiently trained" to implement communication systems (sign-language, assistive technology, etc) to children with communication impairments. Dr. Moon replied, "Since I know EVERYTHING, if you ask me if I feel sufficiently trained to do brain surgery, I might say, "Yes!" But if you ask me to list my training in brain surgery, I would list nothing! I got his point.... :o)

I just spoke with Mom...I had called yesterday and got her answering machine and left a message; when I mentioned calling yesterday, I could tell she didn't remember it...maybe she didn't check her messages, although I find that hard to believe. I can tell she is very lonely...

Kathy, she did finally call me about the Honda and said she took it to Eddie to look at (of course, I was puzzled and then she explained to me that Eddie is the car repairman). Eddie supposedly told her not to take less than $2500 for it; I asked her if Eddie checked the seals (my Eddie is afraid the seals are dried out/cracked and wanted them checked - or wants to look at them himself...either way). She had forgotten to ask the mechanic about the seals. She said, "Eddie said the car isn't rusted which is a very good thing....supposedly Eddie was shocked!" - I thought rust on cars typically happened up north from the snow/salt on roads?????????????????

Abby and Max are planning to come down in about two weeks and bring Mom with them. Mom was excited about that! You know you all have an open invitation to come anytime! We love having you! By the way, Mom thought Dylan and I were coming this weekend....(don't know WHERE that came from). I told her that we couldn't because it is Corey's 13th b'day party!

Better get Dylan headed towards the bed...he played his drums and xylophone for Mom over the phone; she got a good laugh out of that!

Love to all,

Robin

mom

I have noticed every time I talk to mom she says "Its good to hear from you" like I haven't talked to her in weeks and every time I remind her that I just talked to her a couple of days before - I really don't think she remembers. She was kind of doing that before dad passed away (I remember Fred Seamen saying "I think you could talk to her everyday and she would say that") but it has definitely gotten worse. I wish she would move to MVT but I'm wondering if shes going to need even more assistance than they offer.

Mom

I have been checking to see if she has been drinking and I don't think she has been. I do believe her dementia is getting worse due to depression and anger, but I am no doctor. Is anger part of the grieving process? She called last night to tell me that she is thinking of hiring the guy (she calls him the 'Israeli') that mows the yard next door. Dad was in the process of talking to the "Israeli" in January. Mom said that she really appreciates Robert's help but does not want to be a burden to him with the drive and cost of gas. Mom then asked me if I wanted the lawn mower, but I think Robert, Trey and Conner should have first dibs on it since they're the only ones that know how to use it. Also, mom asked me to clean up the stuff (tools) in the backyard because she is ready to get rid of it. Hopefully, a good sign!

Kathy, per your previous blog, I will take mom a 'Dave Ramsey' budget later this week to see if this will help her feel more organized.

Mom on 10/14

I tried to call Mom twice yesterday and no answer. Today, she had no absolutely idea what she did yesterday or where she was. Scary. Do you think it's dementia or drinking again? We're taking Brandon to Berry Patch Farms this Sat. to the pumpkin patch, and then to Cagle Dairy for the corn maze. (I'll let Fred take him through that. I'm in day #14 of asthma. Got my own nebulizer now!) Mom's going to be at my house at 10 a.m. to join in the Halloween fun. She said she did talk to Reynolds yesterday but she couldn't remember that he really said anything.

Saturday

I talked to Mom yesterday. She didn't make it to church yesterday, but she did go to Manfred's class last week and she's going again this week. I didn't get a chance to read her long term care policy this weekend. I spent most of the weekend in bed and resting and trying to get rid of this asthma. JC's (James Carroll) son had a baseball game in Sandy Springs Sat., so they stopped by Mom's and they all went to the Brickery for lunch. She had a great time! J.C. didn't know Dad had died. He's mad at Uncle James for not telling him; said he's talked to Uncle James and he never said a word. Mom said they probably couldn't remember.

Mom called last night to let me know she was going up to the Cantor's last night to eat for Yom Kippur. She said they invited her up to eat also on Tues. night of last week, and she showed up on Monday night. I asked why she didn't write it down on her calendar, and she said she does when "it's handy". Martha (?) made her go with her to Manfred's class this week. Mom didn't want to go (surprise, surprise!), but enjoyed it once she did. Sara took Mom to lunch for Mexican one day this week and Mom enjoyed that. I think Sara stops by to see Mom more than we do! Fran - do you have her address? I should write her a note. Mom said she still doesn't have her Thank You notes written. So...in 2 months she can't get her Thank You notes written. Does that give us a clue about the house??? Then she said she hates living by herself. So, once again, my chance to mention MVT. Now she has it in her head that she can't afford that! I pointed out that she has enough money from the sale of the land to buy a place, and she gets enough from S.S. and her monthly annuity to cover her monthly living expenses. Even if the house isn't sold first, I think she can afford it! She also said something about not selling the house now because it's going to go commercial. Then she switched over to the Head's house and how it's rental property and the people moved out and she doesn't know why. (scream!) But anyway, I was thinking. Mom & Dad have always trusted Reynolds' financial wisdom. And Fred is an accountant. Maybe one weekend Reynolds and Fred can sit down with Mom and show her on paper that she does indeed have enough money to buy a place and she does not have to live alone. And I know I have been saying this for 6 months - but I promise I will read her Long Term Care policy this weekend.

Talked to Mom yesterday. She said she was puttering. Asked her if she went to church Sunday and she said "No". I asked why not? She said "Because I didn't feel like it. Did you go?" I told her no because I was on my way home from NM. She said she would start back once she gets everything in order. I laughed and said, "That's never gonna happen." She was suprised I thought that!

Oct 4

I called mom earlier in the week and again yesterday (Friday) on my way home from work - everytime I call her she says she is on the sofa...not good. I asked Robert to call her mid-week to check on her and she said she was doing fine. She told him the same story about Brandon borrowing her car and her leaving her purse that she had told me a week before - she gave Robert the impression it had happened that day.

I told mom not to worry, but that Kathy had called me earlier in the day from out west and has Asthmatic Bronchitis. I called our allergy doctor (Kathy and I go to the same one) and they called her in an inhaler and steroids to a pharmacy out there. Then, I called Robin last night, and SHE also has bronchitis. Do we all have the allergy/asthma gene, or what!